Sharing My Growth…

I’m grateful for the gift of writing. It really helps me process traumatic periods in my life and uncomfortable feelings that arise from them. By reflecting and retelling the story you can learn so much about others and yourself.

My wise friend told me to “Run to the darkness. ” Explore your emotions, rather than bottling negative feelings. Although it will be hard, you will grow soo much.

Lepon… So… Here’s my growth Story.

I’d never felt so at home before!

There was no pressure to: clean, work, cook ect…

I’d be on the balcony smoking weed and gardening all day. Going on bike rides with my flatmates. Making art.

It was a sweet life.

Manifested Toilet ✨

I felt happy in my little sanctuary. The only problem was when I went outside.

A shaddy authoritative figure holds out their hand.

“bla bla speaking in Greek… “

“Yassas I don’t speak Greek”

“Show Me Your ID”

I was in total shock. I own up to my white privilege, in the whole 25 years of being alive, the first time I was stopped and asked for ID was in Greece a few months ago. Verbal randomness started flowing out of my mouth.

You know when you’re a kid and you just keep asking “why though?”

Well I’m still a kid and like to ask alot of questions.

But seriously though

“Why do you need to know who I am?”

“Have I committed a crime?”

Then they start to get funny and say something like

“Do you want to get arrested?”

I go all Lauren from the Catherine Tate show ( look it up if you can be bothered 😉

“Can I not just ask a question tho? Can’t EVEN ask a question? Are we living in a dictatorship tho? Are you going to arrest me for asking a question? Am I Bothered? Look at my face. Am I bothered? Not Bothered!”

(exaggerated the situation obvs 🙂

Or the classic.

“I’ll show you my ID if you show me yours Officer”

(sounds soo pervy lol)

“As how do I know you would give it back? I don’t know you, and certainly don’t trust you. “

Surprised that I actually got a cop to give me his personal ID.

It is perfectly within your right to ask these type of questions. I think it’s important to do so.

It reminds them that We Are Equals.

Just because they’ve been given a shiny badge by the government, does not make them superior.

They start to identify with their job title and lose who they really are.

If no one challenges them, then they’ll keep thinking they have the power.

It is also perfectly within your right, to flim the police or someone else in a public space. Be aware that some police also have cameras and mics inbeded in their uniform.

At the start of the year I went into the Athens Police Headquarters to complain about how rude and aggressive the police are.

“We’re not like England!”

They laughed.

This activated me into Mary Poppins…

The super Nanny for the Kako cops…

“Young man, I’m seeing alot of unacceptable behaviour around here.”

As the government tighten their control, on the protests showing solidarity for Dimitri Koufontinas. (link explaing about Koufontinas). The police displayed more aggression towards the people. Despite this, Greek people showed solidarity, and fought back.

My room mate showed me horrific videos of police abusing their power and ganging up on individuals. At my nearest metro, the police pushed people into the station and threw tear gas in an enclosed space.

Going out felt like a warzone.

I’d go past a cop I’d be like

*fuck you*

Under my breath.

Silently praying that my friends are Daxey Laxey (okie dokie)

If any police are reading this please would you email me your answers to these questions:

What is your duty?

Who do you work for?

Are you serving the people?

Or serving the Government?

What do you Stand for?

Who Are You?

Lepon… So…

For Growth to happen you need to undergo trauma and run towards it screaming!

You might get brusied (emotionally) but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right!? Stand a little taller… Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone… ;D (you’re gonna have that stuck in your head now)

Lepon, the traumatic incidences with the police.

We were exercising our right to protest, but the protest didn’t happen as the police dispanded everyone. So we went for a coffee, sat on some grass by the side of the road.

I got comfortable.

Took my shoes off.

Sprawled out.

Having a good time when…

A group of at least 6 Team Drassi officers pull up on bikes next to us. They start encroaching on our personal space. One officer kicked my bag and scarf.

I felt threatened.

When this happens your body goes into Fight or Flight mode.

Animal instincts kick in.

This is our body’s natural way of protecting itself. This is useful, when fleeing from other animals or attacking them.

But we’re not wild animals in the jungle. Although it sure feels like it sometimes!

We can’t simply run away from our problems. We are told we have to talk to the Malaka police and give them our ID.

Your body fills up with energy. If you don’t use it, it comes out as a panic attack.

Okay, so this time, I was with my trusted Greek friends. I could see they where rationalising with the officers and that everything would be Daxey.

Wasn’t soo Daxey when I was with my friend, cycling down a road in Athens. We passed loads of riot police, we went the wrong way and had to pass them again.

Menacing black uniforms surrounded our bikes. I suggested some fresh fashion advice.

“I’d love to give your uniforms a make over. I’d put a red heart on your sleeves, to remind you to be loving and to show the people you care.”

The officer got soo pissed at this!

“We wear Black! This isn’t a game! We are at war!”

At War with Who?

Yourself I think.

Police non stop asking questions.

A lot of questions…

“Where are you going? When is your birthday? Where were you born? Where do you live? How long have you been here? Why are you trembling?”

“Because We’re SCARED!”

I’ve worked on my mental health alot recently. I can spot a panic attack coming. I ground myself using my breath. I can calm down.

However this time, I had a full hiperventaling panic attack in front of the cops.

I was scared that they were going to hurt me. I didn’t care if they took my ID. I just had to leave the toxic situation.

Some of them started to laugh at me.

How Dare they!

Disturb my peace of mind!

Make fun of someone vulnerable!

Got home, cried, shouted, made soo much art about it. But no matter what I did. I couldn’t shake out all the rage. It’s there for a reason. To be explored…

I had been triggered. I was acting out, to express my pain, calling out for attention and comfort from my loved ones.

However my friends didn’t like this behaviour and it made them react and push away from me. We’d argue. As you might imagine, I’m a good talker and stubborn. I always defend myself and my actions. It’s hard to see other points of view.

Especially, when most of us live by toxic values, that we’ve been conditioned to follow, by the system.

Such as:

“Put a brave face on. ”

“Don’t show your weakness.”

“Don’t be the odd one out.”

Body shaming, sex work shame, putting others down, seriously the list can go on for ages…

Let me know what toxic value you’re un-conditioning yourself from!

I decided to follow my intuition and leave the beautiful sanctuary flat and my gorgeous little cat.

“If they can’t handle me at my worst, they don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe

Moving out was incredibly hard. There were a lot of tears! As there were many good memories in that flat.

I hope that my friend sees that there was no bad intentions in my behaviour and we can move past this.

I acknowledge that we are not are thoughts or actions. Any moment we can change the narrative of who we are.

Anyone read till the end? If you have thank you soo much for your support and love! I hope you got something, from me explaining my story.

6 Comments

  1. Panic attacks are a very individual thing.I’ve had them since I was about 6.We all have to learn how to deal with them as best. we can…People think I am angry and rude,when I’m having one,it’s not easy to explain or patch up afterwards….but life has to go on…

    Like

  2. Hi Naomi, you have some nice writing on your blog and I think that if you have passion
    like you feel, and you obviously see all the many injustices going on around the world and
    you feel compelled to do something about it. Writing is the best way forward to put what
    you feel into words. Although where to start? well for one reading, as much as you can,
    books, blogs, alternative media as well as the mainstream media (so that you can be informed
    of their bias). Sometimes I have 2 or 3 books on the go at any one time. Both fiction and
    non-fiction, the more you read the more your vocabulary increases as well as getting other points of view and opening up to new ideas and ways of thinking. I have calculated that I have read over 7000 books in my life and the strange thing is the more I know the more I realise how much
    that I don’t know. So keep up the good work and write direct to my email; cogmick@yahoo.co.uk
    I was going to start a blog ‘down with the New World Order’. Myself as all what I talked about
    as I bought you and Joshua up is coming to fruition. Needless to say I will not be taken any of
    their poisons, even though it will mean that I will be eventually be unable to function in their warped society I shall keep resisting until my last breath. So take care of yourself and write
    to me soon.
    lots of love
    dad

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like that Marilyn Monroe quote, tied in with “changing the narrative of who we are.” Camus is lately my favorite philosopher and of course Charles Bukowski my favorite philosopher/author. They certainly have many things to say about the narrative of our life. This is one of my favorite quotes about culture, toxic or otherwise:
    It is very easy to conform to what your society or your parents and teachers tell you. That is a safe and easy way of existing; but that is not living…To live is to find out for yourself what is true.
    Jiddu Krishnamurti

    I have been re-reading your posting and realize what a great explanation of reality it is.
    Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

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