You’ve Got A Higher Power

If you haven’t read my last post I suggest that you go read it, otherwise this might not make much sense.

I’m not going to lie, after publishing my last post a sense of fear came over me.

I did some shadow work, to find out where this fear came from. It boiled down to the fact, that the ones who currently rule the physical world, do not want us to remember this. Throughout history they have murdered shamans, lightworkers, witches, healers. Not only killing them, but taking the knowledge and techniques, to use to their advantage and making it harder for us to remember. (I’ll go further into how they do this in another post)

I had a long discussion with my spirit guides, I was making loads of excuses why I couldn’t do it. They lovingly reminded me “remember who you are” What do they mean by that? This might sound like an odd question, but do you know who you are?

Without labelling yourself as what you do, your interests, job, titles, roles, without all that, who are you?

Are you your thoughts? In your head say the word: hello. Can hear that voice in your head? You are the listener, the one observing the voice, not the voice itself.

So how do you find out, who you are? By working on yourself, practicing meditation. No thoughts. Becoming nothing. You will meet your higher self. Your true essence.

Your soul will leave the body and you’ll experience the purest form of love and light. It’s beautiful and feels soo familiar, like coming back home. You’ll realise that you are in the presence of god and that you are an extention of that energy.

I don’t often use the word god as I feel like religion has tainted that word, I prefer source energy/universe/spirit. But feel like I need to say god, so you can appreciate how powerful you are.

There’s no need to be scared of the ones ruling the physical world. We’re made of the strongest force in the universe; Love.

The truth is reveling itself. Everything will be exposed. This is why many people are having awakenings. My purpose is to help others on their awakening journey.

You might be thinking that I’m crazy. But I reckon there’s another voice in your head saying that it might be true. Probably because one of the rules of the universe, is that this knowledge can’t be a complete secret. What’s going on has to be at least indirectly mentioned. There’s soo many clues in song lyrics, flims, books, symbology and myths.

I love learning lyrics to songs, and that really helped me realise what’s going on. So perhaps I’ll share a song that’s relevant to what I’m talking about in each blog post.

This tune puts a smile on my face and great to have a boogie to! Coldplay are such an underrated band in my opinion.

There’s alot more coming out of my big mouth about the awakening! Follow me so you don’t miss out on my posts. Thanks for having an open mind and reading.

Speaking My Truth

There’s a reason why I’m blogging, that I haven’t shared with you. Yes, to express myself, but there’s a bigger reason than that.

Before I share what my truth is, let me paint a picture of what happened in my life that led me to this truth.

Since I was a child, I knew there was something wrong with the world. Most people that I meet are good, so how come there’s soo much bad in the world?

My heart filled with sadness, as I watched corporate greed destroy mother earth. I became heavily involved with wildlife charities and protesting with Extinction Rebellion. But nothing seemed to be changing, if anything it got worse.

I felt like I how can I be happy, earning money to help run a fucked up system? What’s the point? There’s got to be more to life!? Can you relate to this? Are you searching too? The seeker shall find… Keep asking…

Around this time last year, I received some inheritance money. I made the decision to leave an unfufilling relationship, gave all my stuff away and got a one way ticket to Greece. It might seem a bit drastic, but it was exactly what I needed.

It was only when I stopped trying to save the world, and start to really get to know myself and heal my wounds, that everything became clear.

I had a spiritual awakening.

You might think, a spiritual awakening would be all peace and love. But it’s not at all. You have to explore the darkest parts of yourself, everything you’ve kept hidden, secrets that you don’t want to deal with. It’s hard, but keep going! Run to the darkness. You’ll find a light. Spoiler alert the light is You! Your higher self.

At some point in this never ending healing journey, your third eye will burst open, and you’ll receive what the spiritual community call “downloads” which is basically you remembering knowledge, about everything, why the world is how it is, what will happen in the future, the meaning of life ect.

You’re probably thinking, okay Naomi so how are we going to bring peace to the earth?

Imagine the world as a cell, everything that is from the cell is made up of the same molecules as the cell itself. This explains why we have so much turmoil in our own lives, because the world is also in turmoil.

Now imagine each microbe on an infected cell started to take control of their mind, body and soul. This changes the whole cell, because the microbes make up the cell.

Okay but Naomi, just because I awaken, that doesn’t mean everyone else will?

You might have come across the phrase “we are all connected.” Have you ever had an idea, then seen your exact idea done by someone else? This is because we share a consciousness. Although in the physical realm, it looks like we’re seperate, in the spiritual realm we’re one big energy ocean.

We’re living in a time prophesied in all ancient religions known as the great awakening.

It’s very exciting and liberating to finally write about this! I have alot to write about. But you will only fully understand and know the truth, when you’ve explored your dark side. Are you ready to take that step?

Breaking Internalised Capitalism

I’m back from my travels. Currently isolating at my dad’s house. So I’ve got plenty of time to write!

This post is pretty out there… I’m trusting the universe that you are ready to receive this message.

Does emotional attachment affect physical items?

Last year, before I started travelling, I said goodbye to most of my stuff. Keeping a few boxes full of sentimental things at my dad’s house.

By just living with a few items in my backpack, I realised how much I needed (not very much!)

I would often find items in the streets of Athens, and add it to my collection. In turn giving away good quality things. With the sense of, if I give to the universe, the universe will give it three times back to me. A gift to the gods if you will!

Looking through what I decided to keep, I felt a disconnect from the physical item, but not the story that came with it.

For example my childhood teddy…

I’m not embarrassed to share, that it was hard parting with my teddy. Teddy is a professional-on-demand cuddler. I would always cuddle my teddy when sad or anxious.

It feels strange being with teddy again. It looks the same, but it feels different. Gives me an alternative universe vibe.

I’ve learnt how to comfort myself without my teddy. Losing attachment towards it. Dealing with emotions that come up, on my own. Instead of using something else to cope with it.

Taking on the very literal term of “emotional baggage.”

In the brilliant film the Labyrinth, Sarah is on an adventure in a weird world, rescuing her brother from goblin King David Bowie.

Relived to find herself in her room. “It was all a dream” she exclaimed, firmly grounding herself to teddy Lancelot.

Then this creepy hoarder lady makes Sarah connect with 3d items. But Sarah starts to remember, there was something she was meant to do.

By letting go of her attachments, the simulated version of her house, starts to crumble.

Capitalism has made us focus on the physical. We spend most of our lives, making money.

Is this really what we’re meant to be doing?

Does this disconnect us from our true self?

Is there something we should be remembering?

If you enjoyed reading this, check out my previous post on how  internerlised capitalism shows up regarding how we treat others.

Living on the road

Cycling through Greece, during the summer, isn’t the best idea! I’m glad I did it though. Gaining wisdom through experiences and anecdotes to write about!

I was staying at this cafe for four hours, reading my book, charging my phone, using the WiFi. Avoiding the 32° heat!

The Serbian waitress face lit up, when she found out I was from England.

“You’re from England! I love England!” she shrieked

As I’ve spent most of my life in England, I don’t appreciate it as much as a tourist would. I find it a bit boring. Especially comparing it to the rich Greek culture.

She went on to ask me loads of questions about where I lived, London, what my favourite boy bands are!

I reeled off some nostalgic boy bands that I would scream out the words too when I was a teenager and occasionally now and then haha.

“The Kooks, Scouting for girls, The Hoosiers”

She diligently wrote these down, then stated “Mine’s One Direction”

Of course is was, I thought. I was at school when they were on X factor. Whether you like them or not, Harry Styles was a common lunchtime topic amongst the girls.

Although the Serbian waitresses was enjoying my company. Most people don’t stay in cafés for four hours. I was trying to read the energy of the owners, are they thinking “when is this girl going to leave already”

The thing is, I would have love to get back on my bike and continue my route, but it was just too hot! I started cycling from Loutraki and was planning on cycling to Patras where I could get a boat to a Greek island or to Italy.

As the land curves round, I could see Loutraki, where I started off! “I was over there, now I’ve managed to get here, by pedalling myself, well done Naomi!” I proudly told myself.

The first night of sleeping out in nature, I kept passing potential places to set up camp. “There’s gotta be a better spot” lying to myself, I was nervous. As once you’ve found a spot and claimed it as yours for the night, it becomes real!

As it got later, darkness crept in, which made me worry even more! I settled for an abandoned area in Corinth, it really stank of poo, but thought “oh well at least I’ve found somewhere.”

You don’t realise how loud the outside world is, until you sleep in it. Sirens, dogs barking, cars, mosquitos. If you focus on the noise you’ll never get to sleep. Focus on your breathing. I started deep breathing.

Felt relaxed, until I heard footsteps, coming from the abandoned house. It was a middle aged man. My eyes widened. I darted straight for my pen knife. He saw me. He slowly started to undo his belt. Fuck! This is it! I shoved my feet into my shoes. Then looked over, to see him squating down, having a shit! Then he just sauntered off, as that was the most natural thing to do!

That smell of poo, was his! It grossed me out, so I ended up getting a hotel room.

This was a message from the universe, gently reminding me of what I already knew. Our thoughts become reality. I attracted that situation. I was already in a state of fear, before the man arrived. So naturally more fearful situations are prone to happen.

When I tell people my plans, some well meaning people project their fear on to me, I don’t discredit them, but I don’t hold on to these ideas.

Actually, the statistics show that you’re more likely to be murdered by someone you know. SOO yeah!

After this slightly scary situation, I became alot more chilled out to camping. There’s loads of vineyards in Greece, where trees are a perfect distance apart to hang a hammock. You might be gifted by falling fruit during the night!

Crickets sing through the night. Olive branch silhouettes illuminated by the stary sky. Gently rocking myself to sleep, was soo in love with those moments.

Although the birds woke me up at 5am, how could I be annoyed? They’re celebrating a brand new day! I’d wake up full of pride that I’d manage to sleep outside.

Sleeping under lime trees

I managed 3 nights outside and 1 night in a hotel room, covering a distance of 27km. Okay, it’s not a huge amount, but I’m happy I gave it a shot! I was wasting alot of time just avoiding the heat. I’m now on a ferry to Italy! Looking forward to new adventures ahead!

I still have a few unfinished posts about Greece that I may finish and publish! So don’t be confused if I’m still talking about Greece!

Miss these two!

An Athens Love Story P2

My main reason why I love Athens is in my other blog post so if you haven’t read that then… Go read it!

Okay, now thinking about it, perhaps this is the top reason why I love Greece…

Greek people.

Gosh you lot are quite something! I don’t like to generalise, but hey I’m going to generalise. I feel like I’m allowed to, since I’ve lived here for a while now and notice significant differences between Greeks and English people.

I feel like there’s two main type of Greek people.

The religious Greeks.

If you’ve read my other posts, you might have come to the conclusion that I dislike religion. Although I have a lot of constructive criticism to give to the churches. I won’t go into that now… I’ll save it for another blog post.

This is a Love story after all!

What do I love about religious people?

Spirituality gives people purpose and direction.

As Buddhists and Meeseeks say “existence is pain.”

When bad situations enter our lives, we might see this as a test from God/Universe.

How do we show up? How does our experience shape us? Do we let our past decions define who we are today?

Eutopia project

The use of rituals is prehistoric.

Many of us partake in rituals without realising, whether it be celebrating a wedding, new year, birthday or grieving someone at a funeral. These events help us connect with our emotions and reflect.

Our busy lives take over, and often these events become the only rituals we observe.

While religious people, who often pray; to give thanks, ask for strength and forgiveness with whatever they’re dealing with. Surrendering what they can’t change to the universe/God. Giving all that weight and power to a higher being, with the belief that they will help you overcome it, is a mindful practice.

The act of positioning your hands in a certain way, for example bringing the palms together in a prayer position “connects the right and the left hemispheres of the brain and connects with spirituality/god/divinity. It promotes respect for oneself and others. It is considered a natural remedy for stress and anxiety and is useful for entering into a meditative state.” (from kooshoo.com)

It’s common to see people praying and making the sign of the cross on themselves, when they touch the head, the chest then both shoulders. The act of connecting a physical action with a spiritual belief is powerful in itself. Mind, body and spirit are connected. Practicing these rituals daily, help us connect with our higher self/intuition/god.

The Greek spiritual art work has its own unique style. The artist sees their creation as a part of their worship, therefore take time to make something beautiful. Rich jewel tones are a common theme: gold, emerald, marron and of course the classic Greek blue.

Lepon…

I said there was two main types of Greek people…

Can you guess the other group?

Anarchists! Of course!

Christians and Anarchists, polar opposites right?

It may look like that on the surface, until you look deeper and it becomes apparent that both groups are very similar.

Anarchism is derived from the Greek root anarchos meaning “without authority. ” They reject hierarchy structures and call for abolition of the state.

So do they want complete chaos? No

Instead of goverment, they think that people should work together to create a society in any form they choose. The belief that we can take care of each other without a government, is to have faith in humanity.

What do you think would happen, if we didn’t have governments? Do you trust people or governments more with your wellbeing?

Questioning and rebelling against authority goes back to ancient Greece. Philosophers that dared to share their controversial thoughts were put in prison and executed for “corrupting the youth.”

You can find Socrates prison in Filoupapou Hill, where he was held and killed. His friends and followers planned on setting him free, but he denied their help, choosing to martyr himself.

Imagine his followers at these bars begging him to leave, he nonchalantly replies “We don’t know what the death is, it’s not reasonable to be afraid of it.”

Would you call him brave or stupid?

In modern Greek history, a fascist junta military dictatorship took power in April 1967. Those who stood against them were tortured and killed. Freedoms were restricted; elections abolished, demonstrations and strikes forbidden, only church gatherings were allowed.

This led to the growth of Anarchist and Anti fascist movements in Greece, led by mainly students.

On November of 1973, students and citizens came together holding a massive demonstration at the Polytechnic University. The dictatorship retaliated by crashing a tank through the gates of the University, brutally murdering 24 people and leaving many injured.

Emotionally looking through pictures and footage of the uprising. Reminding me of the countries that are currently under oppressive rule.

Courageous people, that know how dangerous protesting is, but because they have soo much love for each other and what is right, they put their lives on the line. Rest in peace.

The same anarchist chants echo through the streets today. “Our passion for freedom is stronger than any prison.”

No One is Illegal

My favourite anarchist value is that no one “owns” land. We are all citizens of the earth and we should be allowed to go wherever we please. Sadly the ruling class have divided the earth with imaginary borders. Imagine the first person to ever draw maps. How would they know what seperates one country from another?

Anarchists offer support towards refugees, providing food at solidarity kitchens. They also are invited into squats. There’s even a squat only for women and their children.

Can you find any similarities between Christians and Anarchists?

They’re both about humanity and solidarity.

Which explains why Greeks have hearts of gold. Many that I’ve lived with would often cook me food and check in on me. One Greek lady would always end our conversations with “if there’s anything you need just let me know.”

The white cross in the Greek flag represents the Orthodox religion. While the 9 white and blue stripes represents the amount of syllabus of the phrase Ελευθερία ή Θάνατος’ (Eleftheria I Thanatos) which means “Freedom or Death.” Perfect symbolism for the general Greek attitudes.

We all need a helping hand

Thank you for reading till the end!

What did you learn from this article? Are you Greek? Do you agree that Greeks have beautiful souls? I’d love to know your thoughts!

I still have soo much more to write about magical Greece!

Forgive And Forget

Ending the story between myself and this Athenian malaka.

As Sometimes,

We need to take a step back,

Say Sorry,

Otherwise,

It will Keep,

Waying You Down.

Forget it,

Really Forget it.

I know this goes against what I wrote in another blog post, but what can I say, I’m developing!

Do Not Let Your Trauma Define You.

That’s Easier said than done I know…

Let’s Start…

Analysing the Words We Use.

Let me tell you a Secret…

Each time We Tell Ourselves,

We are Not Good Enough,

Our Brain takes that As Fact,

And You will Become Just That…

Not Good Enough.

Be careful with language.

“I was hurt, it destroyed me”

Or

“I was hurt, I am healing”

Can you see the difference that has?

This Is Not Avoiding Your problems.

Be Honest,

Write down Your Problems,

I’ve been putting mine in the Fire.

Feels very freeing

Surrendering it to the Universe.

Anyway I go off tangent easily!

To The Athenian malaka,

I’m Sorry,

You were

Born + Raised

In a Toxic System

Taught to Hate Yourself

It sucks.

But it helps me

Understand…

The Way You Are,

Your Behavior,

Was Learnt

At a Young age.

You saw Other Men,

Disrespecting Women.

And You Thought it was

Normal.

I’m Sorry.

I Got A Message…

I received a message, about my Thank You Sisters blog post.

When it starts off with “I read your blog…”

I’m like yay! Excited that people actually read what I have to say!

But their comment turned sour…

Telling me that I should not have talked badly about my childhood “it wasn’t that bad.” My father and grandmother would be “distraught” if they read it.

The self doubt demons crept in. There were good times in my childhood too. Maybe I am over overexaggerating?

Soon snapped out of this mindset slaying those demons with the Truth. My Truth.

They didn’t even know me when I was growing up. But even if they did, telling someone that their bad experience isn’t “that bad”, is extremely toxic, it’s called gaslighting.

No matter how big or small, your trauma is, the feelings that arise from it are valid.

Remember that you can never Fully understand Anyone, other than Yourself. As you are not in their brain and have not walked their footsteps. Question your own reality. Not other people’s!

If my family are disappointed in what I wrote. This is their ego talking. Know that when I share what happened, it allows me to process and heal. My well being comes before their reputation.

I have forgiven, but I will not forget. It’s My story and it Made me who I am.

This is BIG Mouth Naomi! Where I write whatever I Want. I will share more about my life, so if you can’t handle it, don’t read it!

Thank You Sisters

Home is Where the Heart is

Growing up in a council house on benefits. With my dad and brother. No Mother to show me the way. Nits in our hair. Shoes falling apart. Skin covering bare bones.

Enviously looking at girls who adorn themselves with jewellery and beautiful fitted clothing.

Disappointed in Myself and My situation.

A heavy sense of shame followed me.

I didn’t want people to see Me.

If you’re different, you’re a target.

“Ewww you don’t shave your armpits!”

“You’re Gross!”

“I won’t talk to you until you shave”

Body shaming each other.

Ultimately, it’s not their fault.

We’ve been raised in a toxic system where shaming ourselves and others is considered “normal”

All of us are cogs in this mashine.

Even when you realise, that you’re a cog, it’s hard to break away from these patterns, because that’s all you’ve ever known.

Word on the streets is

This System is going Down!

From the Ashes

Grows a New System

Built on Self Love.

It starts with

Women Coming Together.

Being Vulnerable.

Sharing Trauma

In a Safe Space.

Listening with Love.

Crying Together.

Raising each other UP

Women You Are My Heroes!

I’m on a journey of self discovery.

Learning

How My body works.

How My mind operates.

What My heart feels.

Privileged to be part of a group of women that are doing the same.

I’m part of the Virtual Inner circle with Womben Wellness. We learn in depth knowledge about the female body and develop a relationship with our bodies.

It’s such a beautiful enriching resource. I really recommend it! Even if you can’t afford the Inner circle membership, there’s loads of free videos and guides. (This isn’t a paid advert but if you would like to work together let me know lol!)

https://www.wombenwellness.com/

Knowledge is Power

My heart goes out to Men.

The system has punished them for showing their emotions.

“Grow some balls”

The System is Lying!

Vulnerablity

Is Not Weakness

It’s Strength!

Men,

I urge You to Find

Your Safe Space.

With Other Men.

Some of you are probably thinking

“Nope too scary”

Yes it is scary. I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of shame men receive for showing emotions.

But I promise you once you open up, your whole life will benefit from it.

Ask God/Universe/Yourself for courage and to find your safe space.

Your Emotions Are Valid

Sharing My Growth…

I’m grateful for the gift of writing. It really helps me process traumatic periods in my life and uncomfortable feelings that arise from them. By reflecting and retelling the story you can learn so much about others and yourself.

My wise friend told me to “Run to the darkness. ” Explore your emotions, rather than bottling negative feelings. Although it will be hard, you will grow soo much.

Lepon… So… Here’s my growth Story.

I’d never felt so at home before!

There was no pressure to: clean, work, cook ect…

I’d be on the balcony smoking weed and gardening all day. Going on bike rides with my flatmates. Making art.

It was a sweet life.

Manifested Toilet ✨

I felt happy in my little sanctuary. The only problem was when I went outside.

A shaddy authoritative figure holds out their hand.

“bla bla speaking in Greek… “

“Yassas I don’t speak Greek”

“Show Me Your ID”

I was in total shock. I own up to my white privilege, in the whole 25 years of being alive, the first time I was stopped and asked for ID was in Greece a few months ago. Verbal randomness started flowing out of my mouth.

You know when you’re a kid and you just keep asking “why though?”

Well I’m still a kid and like to ask alot of questions.

But seriously though

“Why do you need to know who I am?”

“Have I committed a crime?”

Then they start to get funny and say something like

“Do you want to get arrested?”

I go all Lauren from the Catherine Tate show ( look it up if you can be bothered 😉

“Can I not just ask a question tho? Can’t EVEN ask a question? Are we living in a dictatorship tho? Are you going to arrest me for asking a question? Am I Bothered? Look at my face. Am I bothered? Not Bothered!”

(exaggerated the situation obvs 🙂

Or the classic.

“I’ll show you my ID if you show me yours Officer”

(sounds soo pervy lol)

“As how do I know you would give it back? I don’t know you, and certainly don’t trust you. “

Surprised that I actually got a cop to give me his personal ID.

It is perfectly within your right to ask these type of questions. I think it’s important to do so.

It reminds them that We Are Equals.

Just because they’ve been given a shiny badge by the government, does not make them superior.

They start to identify with their job title and lose who they really are.

If no one challenges them, then they’ll keep thinking they have the power.

It is also perfectly within your right, to flim the police or someone else in a public space. Be aware that some police also have cameras and mics inbeded in their uniform.

At the start of the year I went into the Athens Police Headquarters to complain about how rude and aggressive the police are.

“We’re not like England!”

They laughed.

This activated me into Mary Poppins…

The super Nanny for the Kako cops…

“Young man, I’m seeing alot of unacceptable behaviour around here.”

As the government tighten their control, on the protests showing solidarity for Dimitri Koufontinas. (link explaing about Koufontinas). The police displayed more aggression towards the people. Despite this, Greek people showed solidarity, and fought back.

My room mate showed me horrific videos of police abusing their power and ganging up on individuals. At my nearest metro, the police pushed people into the station and threw tear gas in an enclosed space.

Going out felt like a warzone.

I’d go past a cop I’d be like

*fuck you*

Under my breath.

Silently praying that my friends are Daxey Laxey (okie dokie)

If any police are reading this please would you email me your answers to these questions:

What is your duty?

Who do you work for?

Are you serving the people?

Or serving the Government?

What do you Stand for?

Who Are You?

Lepon… So…

For Growth to happen you need to undergo trauma and run towards it screaming!

You might get brusied (emotionally) but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right!? Stand a little taller… Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone… ;D (you’re gonna have that stuck in your head now)

Lepon, the traumatic incidences with the police.

We were exercising our right to protest, but the protest didn’t happen as the police dispanded everyone. So we went for a coffee, sat on some grass by the side of the road.

I got comfortable.

Took my shoes off.

Sprawled out.

Having a good time when…

A group of at least 6 Team Drassi officers pull up on bikes next to us. They start encroaching on our personal space. One officer kicked my bag and scarf.

I felt threatened.

When this happens your body goes into Fight or Flight mode.

Animal instincts kick in.

This is our body’s natural way of protecting itself. This is useful, when fleeing from other animals or attacking them.

But we’re not wild animals in the jungle. Although it sure feels like it sometimes!

We can’t simply run away from our problems. We are told we have to talk to the Malaka police and give them our ID.

Your body fills up with energy. If you don’t use it, it comes out as a panic attack.

Okay, so this time, I was with my trusted Greek friends. I could see they where rationalising with the officers and that everything would be Daxey.

Wasn’t soo Daxey when I was with my friend, cycling down a road in Athens. We passed loads of riot police, we went the wrong way and had to pass them again.

Menacing black uniforms surrounded our bikes. I suggested some fresh fashion advice.

“I’d love to give your uniforms a make over. I’d put a red heart on your sleeves, to remind you to be loving and to show the people you care.”

The officer got soo pissed at this!

“We wear Black! This isn’t a game! We are at war!”

At War with Who?

Yourself I think.

Police non stop asking questions.

A lot of questions…

“Where are you going? When is your birthday? Where were you born? Where do you live? How long have you been here? Why are you trembling?”

“Because We’re SCARED!”

I’ve worked on my mental health alot recently. I can spot a panic attack coming. I ground myself using my breath. I can calm down.

However this time, I had a full hiperventaling panic attack in front of the cops.

I was scared that they were going to hurt me. I didn’t care if they took my ID. I just had to leave the toxic situation.

Some of them started to laugh at me.

How Dare they!

Disturb my peace of mind!

Make fun of someone vulnerable!

Got home, cried, shouted, made soo much art about it. But no matter what I did. I couldn’t shake out all the rage. It’s there for a reason. To be explored…

I had been triggered. I was acting out, to express my pain, calling out for attention and comfort from my loved ones.

However my friends didn’t like this behaviour and it made them react and push away from me. We’d argue. As you might imagine, I’m a good talker and stubborn. I always defend myself and my actions. It’s hard to see other points of view.

Especially, when most of us live by toxic values, that we’ve been conditioned to follow, by the system.

Such as:

“Put a brave face on. ”

“Don’t show your weakness.”

“Don’t be the odd one out.”

Body shaming, sex work shame, putting others down, seriously the list can go on for ages…

Let me know what toxic value you’re un-conditioning yourself from!

I decided to follow my intuition and leave the beautiful sanctuary flat and my gorgeous little cat.

“If they can’t handle me at my worst, they don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe

Moving out was incredibly hard. There were a lot of tears! As there were many good memories in that flat.

I hope that my friend sees that there was no bad intentions in my behaviour and we can move past this.

I acknowledge that we are not are thoughts or actions. Any moment we can change the narrative of who we are.

Anyone read till the end? If you have thank you soo much for your support and love! I hope you got something, from me explaining my story.